Tomorrow’s
Life Coach
Volume 3 Issue 12 - December 2004
In This Issue: Self Care for
Caring Coaches
Tomorrow's Life Coach is a professional
monthly online journal of the Institute for Life Coach
Training that nourishes the intellect, intuition and
inspiration of the personal/business coaching community.
TLC continues to gain in popularity among diverse
coaches and is highly recommended by Peer
Resources:
"One of the best free newsletters,
Tomorrow's Life Coach consists of well-researched,
informative articles on a variety of key topics for
coaches. While a publication of the Institute for
Life Coach Training, many of the articles are written
by other well-known coaches."
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Pat's
Ponderings
Dear Fellow Coaches:
December is a month when many cultures around the globe share some
holiday that marks a season of giving, and of being more caring
for others. We always hope that it signals an increase in awareness
to be giving and caring at all months of the year. For those of
us in the coaching profession, this is a month to celebrate our
wonderful opportunities to be of service to our clients, but to
also remember to be of service to ourselves. This season may one
that is full of stress, obligations, over-promising, and forgetting
to care for ourselves and our family members. The greatest gift
you can give yourself and your loved ones is to be present. Remember
it has been said, " The past is history, the future but a mystery,
the present is a gift...that is why we call it the PRESENT." Be
present by caring for your self and your family in an extra special
way this month. Re-charge your batteries. Do something that is extremely
self caring. And, BE of good cheer.
Happy Holidays around the globe!
Pat
Patrick Williams Ed.D., MCC
Chief Energizing Officer, ILCT
Department Chair, Professional Coaching
International University of Professional Studies: "Get
a PhD in professional coaching from a reputable university without
walls. Go to www.iups.edu...the
quickest and least expensive way to achieve a PhD in professional
coaching."
Editor's
Pen
Dear Coach Colleagues:
I've learned so much this year from
conferences, training, professional organizations, clients
and many wonderful coach colleagues. Thanks to our contributors
and readers for their articles, input and appreciation
for this publication. Thanks to those who volunteer
their time inside and outside our professional coaching
organizations doing networking and collaboration in
supporting the highest standards for the coaching profession.
And, thanks to you for the small acts of kindness
that you pass on. Life is good!
And, special thanks to Coach Bud Clarkson,
ILCT graduate, for his excellent proofreading skills
for the past few months!
May your year end with fulsome grace
and your new year begin with great fireworks!
Your editor,
Annette
Annette A. Miller, MBA
Editor, Tomorrow's Life Coach
Graduate, ILCT
Member, ICF, CCN, IAC
President & Executive Coach, LifeSync Coaching®
amiller@lifesync.com
http://www.lifesync.com
Authorized Affiliate, Extended DISC® - the
world's fastest growing assessment system
Certified Birkman® Consultant - providing
deeper insight into your being
Self
Care for Caring Coaches
Because we care for and about others
in our roles as coaches, sometimes we overextend ourselves
and do not practice “extreme self care”.
Not only our clients but also our friends and family
count on us for support and encouragement. Especially
at this time of year, with the frenzy that holidays
can bring, it is time to think about us! This is easier
when we have clear boundaries and open ourselves to
receiving rather than always giving.
Watching expectations is also key. When asked to write this article,
I thought “Sure! I have written a lot on this topic, so it
will not take much time.” I believe people tend to over or
underestimate themselves, their capabilities, what they can accomplish
in a given time period. My tendency is to overestimate. As I read
through what others and myself have written on the topic, I realized, “with
a little help from my friends” that it is time for me to slow
down, SAVOR, and adjust to the changes in my life this past year.
A new friend admonished me to relax as I left their party, our third
that evening, a month after moving into the house we built, and
6 months after our wedding. When sharing this with my writer’s
group, they reminded me that “artist’s dates” such
as going to art galleries also contribute toward creativity. One
of the features of my coaching is being an objective, creative sounding
board, so taking time to nurture my creativity is important.
In life coaching, we talk about being vs. doing; about fulfillment
goals vs. performance goals. Scheduling in time just to be, to dream
is important. It is time to "Walk the Talk!" As we work
with our clients to attain a balanced, healthy life/lifestyle, do
we sometimes neglect or shortchange our own? We can use some of
the same tools we use with clients: busting those “energy
drainers”, and make a list of wants/energy “boosters” and
do those. Getting back in touch with passion, purpose, mission,
and orienting our lives around our values also revitalizes us.
Take a walk around your Wheel of life. Coaches tend to under-invest
in FUN and self. We have discussed adding energy boosters, and taking
time out to be. Study after study has found that social ties reduce
our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and
cholesterol, and can counterbalance busy, stressful lives. Making
time for our friends and family can be as important, then, as daily
physical workouts, healthy diets, and spiritual practices for our
wellness. Schedule these into your life!
Matching the pace of our client is a joining skill in coaching.
But if we are moving at a frenetic pace, our clients may match OUR
pace, and we may unknowingly move them into unhealthy habits, expectations
of themselves.
The following recommendations are based on the Institute of Stress
Management’s guidelines. Interestingly, these recommendations
show up on the list of common lifestyle characteristics of highest
performance individuals. So these are good not only in times of
stress, but as an ongoing practice to maintain your energy.
B: Belief system and diaphragmatic Breathing
Belief: According to research, those who have a strong
faith are more resilient, and recover more quickly.
Breathing deeply from your diaphragm forces your
body to slow down.
R: Relationships and Relaxation
Social support has been proven, by research, to be
a determining factor in how people cope with losses and
change. For relaxation, the Institute recommends:
- 60 second breaks once an hour
- 60 minute breaks once a day
- 60 hour (2.5 days) breaks once
a month
- 600 hour (25 days) of break time
per year
E: Educate yourself about health and wellness
Exercise daily (an endorphin, the natural feel
good body chemical, producing activity).
A: Attitude (and perception) and Activity
Attitude is rated number one by my Webster University
Stress Management students. Taking charge of your attitude
is always a choice, even when we have little control over
other factors in our lives.
Activity: Incorporate movement into your lifestyle. “Reacquaint
yourself with the joy of using your body.”
D: Diet and Determination
Healthy, fresh eating (watch fat, sugar, caffeine and
alcohol intake).
Determination: Forgive yourself if you get off track.
Just get back on, quickly. Stay the course!
© Marilyn O’Hearne 2004 All Rights Reserved
Marilyn's clients attribute their breakthrough increased
PEP (Performance, Effectiveness, and Profitability, and/or
Peace, Energy, and Prosperity) to their coaching with Marilyn.
For 30+ years, she has facilitated development through coaching,
counseling, training, writing (Coaching by the Book contributor);
teaching at universities, ILCT, and in Brazil. Marilyn is
a Professional Certified Coach, ICF. Affectionately nicknamed
the Velvet Hammer for her gentle strength, Marilyn's warmth,
humor, integrity, and excellent communication skills put
people at ease. Her website is www.marilynoh.com.
"…plant
impossible gardens…invite someone dangerous
to tea…imagine yourself magic…"
from SARK's "How to be an Artist"
Become
a Certified Professional Retirement Coach
Do you work with clients who are considering retirement?
Or who have tried retirement and “failed” at
it? Then you might want to add to your existing expertise
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The first course in the program is “Coaching Authentic Retirement,” which
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Self-Care
for Coaches
Several years ago an article titled “Psychotherapist
Self-Care” appeared in Professional Psychology:
Research and Practice (December 2000). Many of the research-based
suggestions for self-care apply to coaches as well as
to counselors.
- Recognize and admit the hazards
of coaching. It’s not as grueling as therapy,
but coaching can be demanding, lonely, and stress
inducing.
- Be a self-monitor. Evaluate your
own stress level and get consistent feedback from
people who know you well, including an accountability
partner.
- Think strategies rather than techniques.
Keep the broad goals in mind and you are less likely
to be stressed over finding the best methods.
- Ask how the environment where
you work might be enhancing or detracting from your
effectiveness. “Harness the subtle but pervasive
power of the environment to replenish yourself.”
- Take consistent time for diversion
including relaxation, exercise, new learning, and
other rejuvenating activities.
- Resist self-blame and wishful thinking.
Self-blame can pull you down. Wishful thinking involves
fantasizing rather than taking action.
- Diversify your professional activities
such as combining coaching with teaching or pro bono
work along with work for pay.
Dr. Gary R. Collins is not only
a sought after speaker around the globe but also the
author of more than 50 books. Dr. Collins is a graduate
of ILCT. Used with permission from his "Letter 111,
August 5, 2004"--free subscription available
on his website, www.GaryRCollins.com. ©Copyright
2004 The Bridge Institute. All Rights Reserved.
"Soul ergonomics
is positioning our soul for the greatest imprint
of God’s life and power."
Ron Martoia
Music
and Your Emotional Self-Care
Have you ever noticed yourself being
transported by music – to a time and place in
your memory, or into a strong emotional state?
In my work as a music therapist, I’ve witnessed firsthand
the instant connection that music can have on our memories, and
on our emotional, physical and sensory state. One example was a
tiny, frail, elderly woman in a nursing home who had trouble walking,
who all of a sudden stepped lightly and confidently to the tune
of, “The Anniversary Waltz”, - indeed, she was dancing
down the hallway.
I have noticed it in my personal life as well. Certain songs will
ALWAYS make me think of certain people. Some songs will evoke sadness
- either there’s a sad time in my life that I connect with
that song, or I’m simply responding to the raw emotion that
is expressed by the artist. And other songs transport me to higher
places – joy, ecstasy, possibility, spirituality, love and
happiness.
In essence, we all have a “sensory scrapbook” of memories
that are beyond our conscious mind. It takes music, smells, texture,
landscapes and other sensory information to unlock these.
Here’s how you can use the connection between music and your
emotions to further your self-care as a coach:
To feel your feelings more deeply - Unexpressed emotions can “clutter” our
insides, just like broken lamps and unread magazines can clutter
our homes. Sometimes music will allow us to get to the feeling that’s
trapped inside, while bypassing any thought, analysis or conversation
about it. The next time you notice a piece of music is bringing
up an emotion in you, take a deep breath and try to stay with it.
If you’re not in a safe place, then make a note of the music
and put it on later.
To express your feelings - Many times a singer, songwriter or composer
has expressed our feelings in a way we could never have – if
there’s a song that expresses what you want or need to say,
try singing along (if it helps, keep in mind that you’re not
in Carnegie Hall).
To share your feelings - Making music, or sharing music (listening,
dancing, attending a live concert) with other people can deepen
your connection and create new & strong memories for your “sensory
scrapbook”. Quote song lyrics in a birthday card, play a song
for someone (and tell them that the song’s message is “from” you)
or invite someone to listen with you to some of the music that moves
you – and tell them why.
To let your feelings go - When the music ends, use that as a signal
to let go of the feeling. Once you’ve expressed a feeling,
there’s no need to hang on, especially if it’s causing
you pain. If you’re not feeling quite ready, re-play the song
or find another one that will allow you to further release the feeling.
To amplify your good feelings - My own listening patterns have changed
greatly, since I discovered the book, “Essential Musical Intelligence”,
by Dr. Louise Montello; www.essentialmusicalintelligence.com.
I went on to study with Dr. Montello and I’m in the midst
of becoming certified as a trainer of her Performance Wellness method.
She reinforced a concept that I often hear about in both my coaching
and in my personal growth work – whatever you focus on, you’ll
draw more of into your life. It was then that I consciously began
choosing to listen to uplifting, joyful, celebratory music – one
of my current favorites is “Sing a Song” by Earth, Wind
and Fire -- and songs whose music explores issues that are personally
relevant to me. I often suggest this "conscious music listening" to
my clients as well, to further their self-care.
Music can be a wonderful way to explore, feel, express, share, amplify
and let go of your feelings. Experiment with what works for you – keep
a journal of what you notice about your emotions when you hear specific
music. Then you’ll have all the information that’s needed
for your own personal “musical prescription”.
Linda Dessau, BFA, MTA, CPCC is a singer, musician, writer,
speaker, music therapist, coach and teacher. She is accredited
by the Canadian Association for Music Therapy and certified
by the Coaches Training Institute. Linda coaches creative
artists to enhance their creative expression by addressing
their unique self-care issues. She also helps musicians
to use their own music to heal performance anxiety and other
creative blocks. For newsletters, resources and contact
information, please visit www.genuinecoaching.com.
"Prosperity
is living easily and happily in the real world,
whether you have money or not."
Jerry Gellis
The
Candy Cane "Action Item"
I thought I’d try something
different this Christmas. Before the holiday rush rained
on my parade, before the multitude of school parties
and civic events flooded my calendar, and even before
the DAY-AFTER-THANKSGIVING SALES threatened my banks
with red ink, I decided to adopt a new attitude. I would
be happy and jolly and kind to everyone I would see!
No matter how rude or frustrated people might treat
me (inadvertently, I’m sure), I would be the model
of generosity!
As a coach, I know how important it is to create accountability
and visible reminders for our (glorious) Action Items, so I told
my coach buddy about my new plan. He said “Great! Way to go!
That’s terrific!” He’s a great cheerleader. He’s
also a great coach, because then he said, “Why is that important
to you?” I said that I wanted to be a positive force during
Christmas instead of moldy baggage that everyone hates to be around.
(I didn’t tell him that was my persona last year.)
My plan was to buy those mini candy canes, individually and handily
wrapped for sterility and no-stickiness, and give one to every person
that I talked to between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I was “in
the glow” as I described this marvelous plan to my coach.
Every person would receive a candy cane and a kind word. As we signed
off, my heart was overflowing.
The next day I awoke pumped to do my “candy cane kindness” routine.
My first snag was that I had no candy canes to give. I forgot to
buy them! Rushing out to the neighborhood store, trying to get back
before my first coaching session, I ran a red light. Oooops! Then
the store didn’t have the mini candy canes, just big ones.
Hey, I wasn’t about to blow my budget on big ones…so
off to a second store. I didn't mean to frighten the clerk, but
when I dashed into the store, grabbed his arm and said “Where’s
the candy canes?” I think he thought I said “Where’s
the cash?”
Fortified with 500 little candy canes, I hurried home. I wasn’t
more than five minutes late for my coaching call, but I felt that
my budding mission to be kind was already destined to be doomed.
(Too bad my phone clients couldn’t get a candy cane, just
my local ones!)
As the weeks rolled on and Christmas grew closer, I found myself
forgetting to give away candy canes. Sometimes I even forgot to
take them with me when I left my office to go shopping. I finally
had to tie a pretty gift bag around my neck and fill it with candy
canes so that I could remember. My nobility was a little tarnished,
though, when a nice grandmotherly neighbor asked me about that bag
as I was dashing off to my car. When I explained my mission, she
laughed so hard that I think she had to go home to change clothes.
Anyway, I was faithful to my candy cane Action Item until Christmas
Eve. I’m not sure how I’ll report this experience to
my coach buddy on my Prep Form. It was so frustrating trying to
carry those candy canes everywhere. It might be easier to just be
polite to people, and listen to their stories. As I sit by my fire
and sip my cocoa, I think that next year, I’ll just be nice.
Forget those candy canes. Besides, I still had a lot left, and I
don’t even like peppermint.
©2004 Annette Askins Miller
Annette A. Miller is a professional coach and speaker in Texas,
and a graduate of ILCT. Her favorite form of peppermint is mint
chocolate chip ice cream. She can be reached at info@lifesync.com or
visit her website at www.lifesync.com.
Tomorrow's
Life Coach™
Patrick Williams, Ed.D., Publisher
Annette Miller, Editor, annette@lifesync.com
© 2004 Institute for Life Coach Training
www.lifecoachtraining.com
Phone: 888-267-1206
info@lifecoachtraining.com
If you wish to use any of our
content in a newsletter, magazine or other media
(whether public or internal), please request permission
from the editor.
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